Connecting with loved ones over a meal is one of life’s simple pleasures. But when you’re in the midst of eating disorder recovery, mealtime can be stressful, and conversation can feel stilted. Throughout our lives, food serves as a medium to express joy, connect to culture and memories, and pause our busy days to spend quality time with one another. Practicing this during recovery can give a glimpse of what a more relaxed and positive experience with food can look like. 

One of the most impactful ways to support a loved one at the table during eating disorder recovery is to steer conversations towards positive, interesting, and light-hearted topics. I have seen firsthand and heard from both clients and loved ones that meals can often become awkward, uncomfortably quiet or tense, and even centered around the food itself – all things that make a potentially difficult meal even more challenging. If you take away nothing else from this article it is this: leave the diet-talk out of the meal. Comments about weight (yours, theirs, or someone else’s), trendy diets you have seen online or in the news, and what food is now causing the next big health scare are unwelcome and unhelpful at the table. 

Conversation doesn’t always come easily when someone is stressed or anxious about food. A person who’s in the midst of eating disorder recovery might not have the bandwidth to start a mealtime conversation, so you can make things a bit easier by taking the reins. This doesn’t mean you need to force deep or interoceptive moments; neutral or even silly questions can help to take pressure off the meal. Sometimes, talking about anything BUT the food is the best way to help. 

Having a “go-to” list of conversation starters to pull from when you come up short can make things less awkward. Below are 50 different conversation starters that spark connection and curiosity during a meal. Feel free to jot some of these down to keep on the table in flash card form and gamify the flow. Use this as inspiration to get your creative juices flowing and add your own.

Past, present, and future questions

1. If money were no barrier, where would you like to go on your next vacation and why?
2. What is one thing you are looking forward to this week?
3. What is one hobby you have tried but didn’t continue?
4. What is one skill you want to learn in the next 10 years?
5. Who was your favorite teacher, mentor, or coach growing up and why?
6. What is the most recent deep dive you did on a random topic?
7. What is something you hope to make more time for?
8. What really was “just a phase?”
9. What did you think was “just a phase” but ended up being an important part of your life?
10. What is one book, movie, or show you have been looking forward to starting but just haven’t yet?

Pop culture and entertainment questions

11. If you could watch any show for the first time again, what would it be and why?
12. If you could read any book for the first time again, what would it be and why?
13. What is the most irritating spoiler you have seen for a book, movie or TV show?
14. If you could invite any celebrity or historical figure (dead or alive) to this meal, who would it be and what would you ask them?
15. What Disney animal character is your spirit animal?
16. What was your favorite cartoon or movie as a child?
17. If you could guest host any podcast, what show would it be and what would you talk about?
18. What is the last book or show you started but just couldn’t finish?
19. What song or album do you currently have on repeat?
20. What song or album feels like summer to you? Fall? Winter? Spring?

This-or-that questions

21. Early bird or night owl?
22. City nightlife or countryside quiet?
23. Drive or fly?
24. Beach or mountains?
25. Hot or iced beverages?
26. Facetime, phone call, or text?
27. E-book, audiobook, or physical book?
28. Dogs or cats?
29. Big group or a few close friends?
30. Host a party or attend a party?

Would you rather questions (silly and serious)

31. Would you rather have to dance everywhere you go or sing everything you need to say?
32. Would you rather be able to speak any language or communicate with any animal?
33. Would you rather live in a Christmas movie or a fantasy movie?
34. Would you rather visit somewhere familiar you love or explore some place new?
35. Would you rather be known for your personality or intelligence?
36. Would you rather explore the ocean or space?
37. Would you rather have fingers for toes or toes for fingers?
38. Would you rather have a never ending summer or never ending winter?
39. Would you rather have super hearing or perfect night vision?
40. Would you rather only be able to reread/watch your favorite books/movies or only be able to read/watch something once then never again?

Navigating recovery together (questions to cultivate support and build connection)

41. Who is someone that truly makes you feel heard and supported?
42. What is one thing that makes you feel calm after a stressful day or situation?
43. If you could spend a day with anyone, who would it be and what would you do together?
44. What is your favorite thing we have done together?
45. What is one thing you want to do next time we have a free afternoon or weekend?
46. What is one thing that made you smile today?
47. What is one thing that made you laugh today?
48. Who is one person that you admire and what qualities do you love about them?
49. What is something that you appreciate about me?
50. What is one quality you admire about yourself?

If you’re struggling with an eating disorder or disordered eating, we can help! We’re a group of dietitians who take a non-diet, body-positive, identity-affirming approach to recovery and healing your relationship with food. Go here to learn more about nutrition counseling for kids, teenagers, and adults, in-network with most major insurance companies and offered virtually to clients in North Carolina and over a dozen other states.

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You might also like:

• Navigating Intuitive Eating and Family Pressure to Diet
• How to Navigate Mealtime Anxiety in Recovery
• What is Family-Based Treatment for Eating Disorders?
• How to Set Boundaries with Friends When You’re Recovering from Disordered Eating