As an eating disorder dietitian who helps people work towards intuitive eating and body acceptance, I spent more time talking about exercise than you might think. No, I’m not a personal trainer and don’t create workout plans or exercise recommendations. But “joyful movement” is one of the 10 intuitive eating principles, and it often comes up in conversations about learning to respect, accept, and listen to your body.
Something I hear on repeat from clients is, “I know I should exercise more, but I just can’t stick with it.” And almost always, underneath that statement are the client’s deeper feelings of shame, pressure, and not living up to some social media-fueled expectation of what an exercise routine “should” be. There’s also the underlying assumption that exercise is, first and foremost, a tool for changing or “fixing” your body.
I love that part of my job is to help people challenge those assumptions and feelings. What if movement wasn’t about weight loss or changing your body? What if it was about learning how to live in your body?
If you were a client of mine struggling to create a healthy, sustainable relationship with exercise, here’s what I’d tell you.
Movement isn’t meant to be a punishment
A lot of us grew up believing exercise had one purpose: to make our bodies smaller. (Or “tighter” or more “toned,” which are the same thing but in different words.) That belief doesn’t come out of diet culture alone. It’s shaped by family, fitness messaging, and years of pressure around body size. Even before social media took off and we were flooded with images and videos of fitness influencers, that messaging existed. (Think: Jane Fonda workout videos and women’s magazines filled with “lose 10 pounds in 2 weeks” plans, and school sanctioned weight checks in middle school gym class.)
When exercise feels hard, uncomfortable, or emotional, it’s easy to assume the problem is your body, and the solution is to just try harder and eventually your body will obey. But that’s not the full picture.
Movement can feel hard for so many real, valid reasons, including:
- You’re postpartum
- You’re not sleeping enough
- You’ve been dieting for years
- Your body is aging, as bodies do
- You’re simply tired
- You’re trying something new, or something you haven’t done in a while
- You’re sick
None of those mean your body is broken, they just mean your body is human. And interestingly, research shows that when we approach our bodies with more self-compassion instead of criticism, we’re more likely to stick with healthy habits long term. A large review on self-compassion and body image found it’s consistently linked to better body image and more sustainable health behaviors. People were more likely to stick with an exercise routine (or another health-boosting habit) when they already felt good about themselves in their body. And people who had more negative feelings about their bodies weren’t “motivated” by these feelings to stick to an exercise routine; they were actually more likely to quit.
Why does sticking to an exercise routine feel so emotional sometimes?
In my opinion, we don’t talk enough about the fact that exercise isn’t just physical. It can also be super emotional. On the plus side, it can boost your mood and give you a feeling of accomplishment. But on the flip side, it can also make you feel frustrated, defeated, and even angry, especially if your past experiences with exercise are tied to pressure or body shame.
Maybe you were often the slowest person on hikes growing up, and some family members made you feel bad about it. Maybe a coach pushed you too far in high school. Maybe you were a perfectionist who wanted to excel at sports, and in the process you learned to ignore your body’s signals instead of listening to them.
Those experiences can stick with you, and when you try to build a healthier relationship with exercise now, it’s not just about getting your body moving and finding an activity you like. It’s also about unpacking years of internalized beliefs.
So if you’ve ever felt like crying during a workout, or if exercise sometimes leads to harsh self-judgement? You’re not overreacting, you’re just processing.
Instead of (metaphorically) beating yourself up over your exercise performance or any negative thoughts that creep in, try being kind to yourself. If you have a negative thought, just notice it and let it pass. If you’re struggling during a workout, remind yourself that it’s totally fine to slow down, lower the amount of weight you’re using, or stop altogether. Research shows that self-compassion is associated with improved body image and less body dissatisfaction, especially when we reduce harsh self-talk and increase mindfulness.
What kind of mindset helps build a healthy relationship with exercise?
When you’re trying to create a healthier relationship with exercise, one of the most important mindset shifts is this: you don’t have to lose weight to be strong, capable, or athletic. You can do hard things in the body you have today.
To be clear: this doesn’t mean everything will feel easy, it just means that your ability isn’t defined by your body size.Exercise can be really challenging sometimes, no matter how “fit” you are, and that’s actually one of the things that’s so great about it! It gives you the opportunity, on some days, to do something challenging and realize, “hey, I can do this!”
Also keep in mind that it’s best not to compare yourself to others. Research also shows that self-compassion helps reduce harmful social comparison, which is a major driver of body dissatisfaction.
What is body attunement?
Instead of asking, “how do I change my body?” try asking:
- What kind of movement might feel good today?
- What does my body need right now?
- What pace actually works for me?
This is called body attunement, and it’s a key part of building a sustainable, healthy relationship with exercise.
Research shows that self-compassion supports emotional regulation and long-term improvements in body image, making this approach more sustainable than forcing yourself through workouts.
How can you stop negative self-talk during exercise?
The way you talk to yourself during movement can either build self-trust or break it. If your inner voice sounds like:
- “I’m so out of shape”
- “Everyone else is better than me”
- “I need to lose weight”
…that’s not motivation, it’s self-criticism. And it’s probably not getting you anywhere.
When thoughts like that come up (and, of course they will sometimes!), try reframing them to something kinder and more objective, like:
- “This is hard, and I’m still showing up”
- “My body is working for me”
- “I can go at my own pace”
Research consistently links self-compassion with lower levels of shame and self-criticism, both of which are strongly tied to poor body image.
How can you start viewing exercise as a form of self-care, instead of a weight loss tool?
When you stop using exercise as a way to control your body, it becomes something much more sustainable. Heck, it might even start to feel fun. Exercise can be:
- A way to build strength and mobility
- A way to reduce stress
- A way to reconnect with your body
- A way to experience joy
Yes, it can still be challenging. But that doesn’t mean it needs to feel painful or punishing.
People who approach health behaviors like exercise from a place of self-care are more likely to maintain them long term, rather than cycling through extremes of pushing themselves really hard for a while, then burning out and stopping exercise altogether.
If you’re struggling with an eating disorder or disordered eating, we can help! We’re a group of dietitians who take a non-diet, body-positive, identity-affirming approach to recovery and healing your relationship with food. Go here to learn more about nutrition counseling for kids, teenagers, and adults, in-network with most major insurance companies and offered virtually to clients in North Carolina and over a dozen other states.
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You might also like:
Why Binge Eating Isn’t About Willpower (And What To Do Instead)
Best Body Image Books: Acceptance and Liberation
Why Diets Don’t Work and How to Find Food Peace Without Them
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